Dear Detroit Red Wings
Thank you for giving me something to be happy about in this god-forsaken state. You kick so much ass.Dear Guy at the Zürich Hauptbahnhof beer store
I don’t care that I can’t speak Swiss German. You must be employee of the month. And no, I’m not fucking ItalianDear Boys
Just because I’m friendly does not mean that I want you.Dear you know who you are
I’m amazing I know, but I’m not superwoman. Stop asking me to do 500 things all with the same deadline.
srslykthxbai
srsly… byeee!
Dear Apple
Please engrave your serial numbers so they are visible to the naked eye. It’s a pain the arse to find my magnifying glass every time I need to reinstall iTunes.
Thanking you in anticipation,
Dear guy at Taco Bell
I wish you would stop staring at me and other people. It becomes a huge inconvenience to your customers and gets really annoying when they’re eating.Dear everyone who drives a car
please use your turn signal. i am a cyclist not a mind reader. your turn signals help me to avoid being hit by you. help me help you.Dear Neighbors
Sweet evil Jesus, we get that you like sex. Really, we get it. But is the beastly screaming, thumping on my bedroom wall, and doing it with the blinds open really necessary?Dear CNN
Please stop ‘projecting’ a winner with only 5% of the votes in.Dear Pennsylvania
Why are you so stupid?
It feels almost as good as going postal, but without the inconvenient prison sentence.