Open Letters

Dear Rain

Please go away. I want to ride my bike.

Sincerely,
dears

Dear People with plastic sports cars

We get that you like to drive 100mph on neighborhood roads. But your tiny plastic cars aren’t made for that anyway. I mean, who the fuck are you trying to impress? You’ll just get yourself killed like all the others.

Sincerely,
joshdj14

Dear tumblr world

I don’t expect you to care about the goings-on of my life and I certainly don’t expect you to e-mail me to tell me that you don’t care. It’s rude plus it puts a damper on my day. Seriously, just unfollow.

Sincerely,
jessicap

Dear spacelola

I’m stoked you’re a Wings fan. Representin’ Flint meow.

Sincerely,
krza

Dear Detroit Red Wings

Thank you for giving me something to be happy about in this god-forsaken state. You kick so much ass.

Sincerely,
spacelola

Dear Guy at the Zürich Hauptbahnhof beer store

I don’t care that I can’t speak Swiss German. You must be employee of the month. And no, I’m not fucking Italian

Sincerely,
krza

Dear Boys

Just because I’m friendly does not mean that I want you.

Sincerely,
carrotoverlord

Dear you know who you are

I’m amazing I know, but I’m not superwoman. Stop asking me to do 500 things all with the same deadline.

srslykthxbai

srsly… byeee!

Sincerely,
thillythenny

Dear Apple

Please engrave your serial numbers so they are visible to the naked eye. It’s a pain the arse to find my magnifying glass every time I need to reinstall iTunes.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Sincerely,
butterflyeffect

Dear guy at Taco Bell

I wish you would stop staring at me and other people. It becomes a huge inconvenience to your customers and gets really annoying when they’re eating.

Sincerely,
joshdj14