Open Letters

Dear Lame Girly Brain That Has Taken Over My Normal One

Go Away. My Proper Brain knows that if a boy is not into me, it’s ok. The world is bursting full of rad kids for me to play with. So what if he’s amazing & beautiful & it was epic for the uhhh few days that it lasted, I am also amazing & beautiful & totally fucking epic & deserve all the happiness in the world. Getting mopey over the unmentioned fact that he’s clearly Over It won’t help. Your “wahh :(” attitude is totally salting my game. So please. Fuck off.

:)

Sincerely,
ody

Dear Douches

Stop wearing Juno t-shirts. You look retarded.

Sincerely,
whatawonderful

Dear R train

Listen. You can’t just go express. Or at least tell me, louder than my ipod. I don’t know what the hell happened this morning, but you pissed a lot of people off. Me, not so much, I was just really confused. Um yea, so if the boss lady asks why I was half an hour late this morning, I just need you to tell her it was your fault, not mine. Thanks.

Sincerely,
aylrak

Dear girlfriend

i used to have kleptomania but when it got really bad, i’d just take things for it.

Sincerely,
niquewoodhouse

Dear Bus Driver

Stop being so overly cheerful and sitcom-y. Your singing and excessive grinning, plus your exclamations of, “Yeah, that’s right, I’m singing!” as the passengers look at you in bewilderment practically scream psychopath. Thanks.

Sincerely,
nadhira

Dear Vicodin

I love you, unfortunately.

Sincerely,
artisticalmighty

Dear College

Give me my life back, you goddamned bastard.

Sincerely,
velvetrobots

Dear Guinness

Stop being delicious, please. Either that, or stop being unhealthy. It’s starting to get on my nerves, you cool, refreshing home wrecker.

And tell your friend, Vicodin, that I tell him to stop it too.

Sincerely,
artisticalmighty

Dear general public

Please refrain from telling me how crazy I am for teaching in an Urban High School. Half of those “crazy” little suckers are YOUR kids/cousins/nieces/friend’s children anyway. Seriously, if you spent as much worry on those poor kids as you spend on me (an adult who doesn’t need/want your help) Urban schools wouldn’t be half as bad. From now on, I will only accept concern in the form of monetary donations. No checks please.

Sincerely,
lifeofkellie

Dear Life

Thank you.

You have me a great guy.

I couldn’t be happier.

:)

Sincerely,
sincerelykristin