Open Letters

And we're closed.

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:28:38 -0400

Love, me.

Dear shameless self-advertisers of Tumblr

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:46:23 -0400

Stop getting on OPENLETTERS to advertise your blog. It’s annoying and I’d rather read actual entertaining open-letters with some substance to them. Is that too much to ask? Fuck.

Sincerely,
allibautista

Dear people of tumblr

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:38:52 -0400

Why is everyone all of the sudden posting open letters to the masses of blogging individuals using this site proclaiming that are Michigan state students and that they love to drink and everyone should come see what they have to say? Now I know you are asking yourself, can he create a longer run on sentence? I proudly proclaim, YES I CAN.

Basically what I am saying is you should come check out the pointless ramblings on my tumblr.

Sincerely,
ozaidentity

Dear Person I've Never Even Really Met Before

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:08:32 -0400

So we had ONE class together two years ago and have some mutual acquaintances, but does that really mean you have to follow me on the Internet and make/post incredibly annoying comments on everything I post on Tumblr, Twitter, Flickr, etc.? I don’t care that you’re an insomniac or suffer round the clock migraines, I just wanted to Twitter that I shouldn’t have taken a long evening nap, not hear about how naps make you ill and you cope by listening to Queen late at night.

Sincerely,
jona

Dear mysterious person whos not so mysterious

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:41:07 -0400

i can’t figure out you at all, but theres something about it that still makes me wanna be your friend. we both know who the real you is, i just don’t wanna be too close

Sincerely,
livelikenoother

Dear You

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:35:45 -0400

my name is zack.

i did drugs once.

i am a spartan,

so check me out.

Sincerely,
shutupinternet

Dear lifeofkellie

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:32:06 -0400

Sincerely,
masscity

Dear velvetrobots

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:31:52 -0400

Sincerely,
masscity

Dear openletterers

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:22:12 -0400

Get a clue.

Sincerely,
hiiamblair

Dear velvetrobots

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:20:10 -0400

Sorry I didn’t include the “s” in my last open letter to you. Please forgive me. :-)

Sincerely,
lifeofkellie

Dear velvet robot

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:19:09 -0400

Don’t be mean to masscity! Even though he used “too” instead of “to” (which does irk me…) he is my friend. Besides, open letters doesn’t seem to require posts to meet a certain criteria. When we do need open letters police, you’ll be the first internet-flashlight cop we call. k? Until then, feel free to do something more productive with your time like adding new facebook apps. :-)

Sincerely,
lifeofkellie

Dear youngin' who's cradle I've robbed

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:45:14 -0400

The funny thing is that after hanging out with you for an extended period of time… and I mean really, did you have to stay for 2 freakin weeks?!… I’ve realized that the only kind of relationship with you I can have is over text. It limits you. Trust me, that’s a good thing… cause you talk way too damn much. Your love of stupid cliches makes me wanna bite my wrists open. I’m sorry, you’re young, and it just wouldn’t work out. Sorry I robbed your cradle.

Sincerely,
henryeatspeople

Dear thillythenny

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:29:58 -0400

you rock!

Sincerely,
thillythenny

Dear whoever is reading this

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:12:49 -0400

check out my site. I like to write funny things and do other things. Give my site a look and maybe a follow.

I’d be your super-best friend, the kind that would totes take a bullet for you (Reader note: don’t let the fact that I just said totes take away from you going to my site, please).

Sincerely,
shutupinternet

Dear god, jesus, the virigin mary

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:08:17 -0400

today is my dad’s birthday. please give me the guts to at least give him a hug.

Sincerely,
sundaymorning

Dear Asians & Pacific Islanders

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:40:19 -0400

I hate to break the news to you, but there’s a little bit of FOB in *all* of us. So, if you like Spam, just admit it…and if you don’t like it, don’t be hating on those of us who do.

Sincerely,
leiann

Dear Masscity

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:38:55 -0400

You have been posting a lot of things lately. The sad part is, none of them are really that funny.

Please handle with temperance.

Sincerely,
velvetrobots

Dear memory

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:31:41 -0400

why do you allow me to remember trivial things, like my ex’s birthday… but not important things like… umm… the thing… the big thing with the importance.

See? eff you… Santa? Wait… who is this letter too, again?

Sincerely,
masscity

Dear life

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:27:44 -0400

Leave it up to you to ruin a perfectly fine day with things that shouldn’t matter. You make the smallest things seem massive then my brain is overrun by negativity and unpleasantness.

Please fuck off and let me have a good day for once. Thanks.

Sincerely,
beverlyhasablog

Dear Alzheimers

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:22:09 -0400

Why did you have to go and start a twisted relationship with Terry Pratchett’s brain? He’s put a lot of good books into the world, but I guess you disagree. All I ask of you is to make your cure more obvious.

Sincerely,
castleonion